For the Chance to Say Goodbye

Sometimes things get stuck in our heads.  Songs, ideas, quotes…that kind of thing.  Or at least, they get stuck in mine.  I’m a day-sleeper.  I usually go to bed at anywhere between 3 and 9am…and get up anywhere between 3 and 7 pm.  Usually at a roughly 7-9 hour stretch.  Last “night” I got to bed relatively early – heading to sleep by 5am.  And woke up in the middle of the “night” when my wife had gotten up to find something to eat – around 7am.

Realizing that Positively Positive‘s daily blogs would have updated, I pulled the laptop down from the headboard and bleerily checked email and pulled up the blogs to read before going back to sleep.  It usually don’t take more than maybe 10-15 to do all this.  Today though, one of the blogs by Jennifer Pastiloff had one of those ideas that stuck.

There are those unfortunate times that we never get to say “goodbye.”  The people we loved and lost too early, or unexpectedly, or before we could say “I’m sorry.”  Even if we didn’t like them, that lost chance can still hurt.  And if you loved them, it can tear you apart.

But why does it have to be too late?  Even if you don’t talk to the person or can’t talk to the person and still want to say goodbye…then say it.  Write your goodbye.  And then do what you need or want to, to send it.  Burn the goodbye and let the wind carry your words where they need to go.  Mail it.  Bury it.  Hand it to the waves to carry away.  Whatever your heart asks of you.  Write your goodbye and…Let. It. Go.

And so that’s what I did.  Here’s my goodbye…what’s yours?

Dear Lost Ones,

Maybe I knew you for years or only moments. Maybe I knew you for moments that were centuries. Maybe I knew you for years in a single heartbeat. Maybe I never got to know you at all, though I should have – we were robbed of that. Maybe I loved you. Maybe I hated you. Maybe my love and hate were so entwined with each other that I couldn’t even tell them apart. Maybe I thought you abandoned me. Maybe you did. Maybe you had a choice. Maybe you didn’t think you did. Maybe you hurt me. Maybe you killed me – just a bit. Maybe you saved me. Maybe you changed me. Maybe I changed you. Maybe we shared secrets. Maybe we share sacred silences. Maybe we shared our hearts, our souls, our lives, our minds. Maybe we didn’t share at all.

So many of you lost.

So many that for years I was too scared to let anyone close because I couldn’t bear to lose anyone again. You got close anyway. I tried to warn you. I tried to save you. I tried to outrun death itself. I thought I was a curse. For so many years – because you were lost. That I would be forced to walk through life with only Death as a constant friend and all to close companion. That just for knowing me, or of me, or being – in some way a part of me (kith, kin, kindred) – your time had been shortened. That my existence required in some cruel twist of fate a loss of you – at least one – for each year I continued to draw breath. Eventually, you stopped keeping up with my years. A brief pause before you begin again – unless I go first.

Whether I lost you, or you are forced to lose me. Goodbye. Goodbye and thank you, for the lessons you brought to my life. Thank you for the blessings or for the blessons. Take from me, from my goodbye, whatever you need. Take my love. Take my hate if it serves you better. Take my I forgive you. Take my please forgive me. Take my I was wrong. Take my you were wrong but it’s ok. Take my understanding. Take my joy. Take my sadness. Take my I’m glad I knew you. Take my I wish I could have known you. Take my I MISS YOU.

Take my I wish we had more time. Take my I can’t wait to see you again, please god. Take my I never want to see you again. I do. I don’t. I don’t know. Take my wait, please, wait for me. Take my I’ll catch up.

Take peace.

Take my hug. Take a kiss. Take a tear. Take a smile. And if the goodbye need not be final, take my I’m so glad to see you – it’s been too long. Whether it’s been years – or a single breath – between the doorways between the spaces. Between the heart. Between the soul. Between the the goodbye and the hello. Goodbye.

Advertisements

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stacy
    Mar 23, 2013 @ 20:38:09

    I’ll save your goodbye, til it’s needed again, but I’ll take a hello anytime hun!

    Reply

  2. Melissa
    Mar 23, 2013 @ 20:40:34

    Beautiful…thank you for once again putting into words something that I’ve thought time and time again.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Manifest-Station

A Place For Words.

Stories and Dreams

writing of Michelle Belanger

Silver RavenWolf

Author Blog -- The Crow at the Crossroads

Something Mormon

something mormon this way comes

Young Mormon Feminists

not in Primary anymore

By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog

The greatest Mormon blog in the universe.

Villainy Loveless

Lover. Fighter. Professional Tease.

exaggerhated

Late night thoughts kept from the light

ellisnelson

children's author

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

mysilentscream.com

My Silent Scream: Inspiring Great Relationships Every Day

Margaret and Helen

Best Friends for Sixty Years and Counting...

Kim Harrison

Don't Let The Blond Hair Fool You

The Worlds of Amanda S. Green

Where you'll discover how the mind of one warped writer works.

Earth Lore News

Being a collection of newsletter articles authored by the staff of Earth Lore.

%d bloggers like this: